Helping Your Elder Parents through Family Meetings
Helping Your Elder Parents through Family Meetings
It is important to understand, as the author Rose Broyles (Chief Editor and Webmaster for http://www.caring-for-mom-and-dad.info) stated in her article Elder Care Issues – Having a Family Meeting, “First rule of thumb, don’t expect to have ANYTHING solved with 1, 2 or 200 meetings. Circumstances change, people change, feelings change. The purpose of the meeting really, is to enlighten the others on the situation your parents are facing.”
With that in mind, and knowing that 80% to 90% of care for our elders is still provided by their family, it is vitally important that families work as harmoniously as possible to provide proper care for their elder family member(s). One of the first steps is to organize a family meeting. This meeting has become even more important in the face of our global economy, where family members may be located anywhere in this world (further separating this generation from the generations of the past where family support was just down the block). Working together to bring care to a loved one is more of a challenge than ever before, but also somewhat easier due to modern technology (i.e., cell phones, web cams, etc.). The trick is to begin the family meeting process correctly. Below are some guidelines and tips for start ing this process out on the right foot:
-Be proactive. Have the first discussions as far in advance of a crisis as possible.
-Pick as leader to be the spokesperson of the family.
-Assign duties as logic would dictate. For example, someone in the family with financial experience could be assigned to handle mom or dad’s finances.
-Assign someone to gather all the relevant documents, i.e., medical records, legal papers such as wills, etc., financial records, etc.
-Discuss the emotional state of the elder.
-Discuss any upcoming or future care giving needs.
-Make emergency plans to allow for a smooth support team effort when or if the emergency does happen.
-Understand that most family meetings must deal with family conflicts at some point – don’t allow those conflicts to cloud the focus of the meetings.
-Understand that there will undoubtedly be one or two family members handling the bulk of the work load.
-Work at sharing as many of the responsibilities as possible.
-Encourage family members to maker regular contact with the elder (i.e., phone calls, emails, letters, sending photos, making scrap books together, etc.)
-Have younger family members perform household functions (i.e., washing dishes, vacuuming the floors, cleaning rooms, etc.)
-Gather the family at Holiday time.
-Say “I love you” often.
There so many points that should be covered when planning/organizing a family meeting and I have only scratched the surface of those topics. However, the most important point should be that most families will find themselves in a situation that requires a level of cooperation in order to care for one or both of their parents (or some other loved one). It is best to be prepared for this time with some thoughtful discussions with family members. Good meetings take planning and forethought. Encourage those around you to begin the process now, before it becomes crisis time.
. . . . Jeffrey Johnson
Visit us at www.angelcaremn.com for help with an aging loved one in the Minneapolis/St.Paul MN areas.
